once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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