I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's the barista slut.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
