i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
