I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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