I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
