I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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