Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
