How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
