I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
