the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Watching her eat just hurts me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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