he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
