Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
