I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
