Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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