My nipple is on Facebook.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
