It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
