really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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