i was rollin on her like bob the builder
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
