some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
