I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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