Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
