sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
