just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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