I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize