my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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