I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
