just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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