I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
