This girl is more easily done than said...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
