We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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