it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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