Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize