Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize