hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
