I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
