I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
