If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
