I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
