Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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