dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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