I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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