not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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