I think I am morally bankrupt
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
