What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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