my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize