just come out here and I will go home with you...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
