Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
