Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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