The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize