A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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