So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
