I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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