Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
