the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I see more hoeing in ur future
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