I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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