My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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