You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
