Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
