so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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