dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
