It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
