with your own penis?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
