Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
