yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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