If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
