If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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